Abby's Army

Fantastic News

2011-09-13T19:54:00.002-05:00

The last few weeks have been hard. The new seizures, adjusting to the medicine, and anticipating the MRI really took its toll on us. It's hard to explain: we weren't sad or angry or hopeless, but it was like a cloud was hanging over us or an extra weight was on our shoulders. I had to constantly remind myself that God was faithful and just, and that He would take care of us. It takes a lot of work to keep your faith meter full. I prayed and studied and leaned on my church family and on Jason for support.

But today God parted the clouds and lifted the weight. He reminded me why I can trust Him and why I should never doubt Him to begin with.

Her scans were stable. There was no change in the tumor. In fact, the radiologist looked over all her scans and can't find any changes ever. That's right. It doesn't look any different then it did in November 2009. The same radiologist who wrote in his report "definite change to the size of the tumor" three months ago looked at that same scan and said "I don't see what I saw last time".

Isn't it amazing? Isn't it wonderful?

I have no explanation. I can't wrap my brain around it. My first thought was "prayer works" and I thought of all the people who have been praying so hard for her and I was so grateful that people care enough to do that. And then I thought, "God is unbelievably amazing!"

I don't understand it. But I am grateful. So very, very grateful. And I feel that He has something so big and great for her and I wonder what it could be. And I feel so glad that He chose me to be her mama. She is an incredibly brave little girl (who happens to be beautiful too).

Thank you from the bottom of our hearts for praying for her. It makes a difference!

Prayers Please!

2011-08-29T13:18:00.004-05:00

Abby has had a minor setback. She has had to start seizure medicine again. She started complaining about having a "funny" feeling late last Monday night on the left side of her body. After several phone calls to St. Jude, we were told she was having sensory seizures and would need to go back on medicine to control them. We were very disappointed. We are just praying that this doesn't mean the tumor is growing. We will just have to wait for the MRI to see. The medicine has several possible side effects that we are having to watch for which is a little scary too. These are our prayer requests:
1. pray that she won't experience any negative side effects from the medicine
2. pray that the tumor is stable
3. pray that God will give His wisdom to her doctors
4. pray that Jason and I will continue to trust in the Lord to take care of her and us

Thank you all so much for being faithful friends.

Although we are anxious and worried, we know that God is with us. We have a peace that we can't explain.

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Phillipians 4:7

Quick Update

2011-08-20T13:17:00.003-05:00

I am the worst blogger. I get busy with life and reading other people's blogs that I forget I should be blogging too!

First of all, an announcement for those who don't live near: God will be blessing us with another baby in January! We don't know if its a girl or boy yet but we are very excited to add another little one to our family.

Second, Abby is officially a kindergartner now! We just finished up our first week of home school kindergarten and it was awesome! I have another blog for our home school adventures that I may or may not keep updated :) Updated to add: here is the link to other site. I did an update for our first week of school.

Last, our next MRI is September 13th. Please pray for Abby, that the tumor will not have grown, they don't detect any changes in her vision, and that the trip goes smoothly.

I will post an update after we know our MRI results. Thank you so much for your prayers!

Rough Week with a Happy Ending

2011-06-18T10:46:00.002-05:00

I am glad this week is over! Abby's MRI was Monday. She had a complete meltdown over the IV. She is strong and very hard to hold! But she is such a trooper and as soon as it was in there, she was back to her normal self. The MRI was kinda late this time, and she didn't complain once about being hungry or thirsty. I am always amazed at how she takes this all in stride! So tough! She did great during the MRI, she has the sedation thing down!

On Tuesday we met with our neuro-oncologist. The MRI showed that the tumor is definitely growing but at a very slow rate. No need for treatment if she has no new symptoms/problems. But I had noticed some peripheral vision problems-she seemed to be running into stuff more. Our oncologist was very concerned and told us that if there had been a change in her vision, we would most likely begin treatments. Her vision can't be gambled with and if the tumor was causing vision loss, it would have to be dealt with. We headed back home anxious to have her eye exam.

On Thursday we returned for the eye exam. I was so anxious I thought I would jump out of my skin. Thankfully there had been no change in her vision. YEA! No treatments! She also had a hearing test and saw neurologist who discharged us from them. Another victory! If we ever have concerns about seizures we can call them but we don't have to have routine appointments anymore.

I can't even put into words the emotional roller coaster we were on this week. We are blessed that Abby has no outward signs of what is lurking under the surface. But the MRIs and little scares like we had make it so real.

Our precious little girl has a brain tumor.

I grieved for her this week in a way that I haven't in a long time. My heart was broken again. My soul cried out to God for help. It was a rough week. I am glad its over.

Please don't stop praying for us. Pray the tumor stops growing. Pray that it doesn't affect her vision, her motor skills, her hormones, anything. Pray she never has to have treatments. Pray for God's protection and mercy. Pray that God gives the doctors wisdom. Pray that God gives Jason and I strength.

"For I the Lord thy God will hold thy right hand, saying unto thee, Fear not, I will help thee"
Isaiah 41:13

Next MRI

2011-06-08T12:06:00.002-05:00

I just wanted to let you all know that Abby will have an MRI on Monday, June 13th. Please pray that the tumor will have remained the same or shrunk. Please pray that she will be brave for her IV. Please pray that God will calm our anxious hearts. Thank you so much!

Results

2011-03-10T14:08:00.002-06:00

Abby's tumor has grown slightly but not enough to warrant any changes in her treatment plan. The neuro radiologist saw two areas of "very subtle increase" when compared to an MRI done in November 2009. The rest of the tumor is stable and there is no need to treat these changes so we will go back in 3 months and do it all again!

Thank you so much for your prayers, please keep them up!

MRI Monday

2011-03-05T08:12:00.002-06:00

I just realized that I forgot to inform everyone of our upcoming MRI. We will be heading to Memphis on Monday for an MRI. We will get the results Tuesday. Please pray that the tumor will have shrunk or stayed the same. Pray that the trip will go smoothly and that our family will be safe. Pray for all the children there at St. Jude. Thank you!

Water

2011-02-11T14:47:00.001-06:00

Almost two years ago, Jason and I drove to Arbanna and listened to a sermon by Eddie Wyatt from Mark 4:35-41. This set of scriptures is about Jesus calming the sea and Brother Eddie spoke of great storms in our lives and how to weather them. He spoke of his own storm, when his son nearly lost his life in a car accident and how he sat by his bed in ICU and begged God to spare his boy’s life (which He did). I left that night and prayed that I would never have to face such a storm. I was afraid that I would not be able to come through it, that I would drown in the storm instead.

A few weeks later Jason and I listened to The Old Ship of Zion while we drove to revival at our church.
“I was standing on the banks of the river, looking out over life’s troubled sea. When I saw an old ship a sailing. Is that the old ship of Zion I see? Its hull was bent and battered from the storms of life I could see. The waves were rough but that old ship was steady. Is that the old ship of Zion I see?”

The next day, we were at Arkansas Children’s Hospital with Abby. Less than a month after that sermon, I was in the ICU, sitting next to Abby’s bed, begging God to spare her life. Brother Eddie’s sermon played over in my mind and I knew that all he had said was true. I knew that Jesus was with me on this boat being tossed in the storm. I knew that at any time, Jesus could rebuke this storm and say “peace be still”. I knew others were watching (the little ships in verse 4:36 and the Gadarene demoniac in 6:2). I knew they wonder what manner of man this was that helped us survive such a storm. I knew I could trust Him. It was no coincidence that we heard that sermon on that night. God had a message for us that would sustain us through our great storm.

A song that I love reminds me of this time and of this sermon, Be Still My Soul.
“Be still my soul, the Lord is on your side. Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain. Leave to thy God to order and provide. In every change, He faithful will remain. Be still my soul, thy best, thy heavenly friend, through stormy ways, leads to a joyful end. Oh be still my soul, the waves and winds still know His voice who ruled them while He dwelt below.”

As soon as I hear this song, I go back to that sermon. I remember that I can have rest in Him. The waves and winds obey His voice!

Except, it isn’t always that easy. Sometimes my faith falters. Sometimes I am riddled with fear and doubt. That is when I think of Peter. I seem to have a lot in common with him.
“...And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus. But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me. And immediately Jesus stretched forth his hand, and caught him...” Matthew 14:29-31

Peter was walking on water! How wonderful! What faith! But then, this is the important thing, he took his eyes off of Jesus. The wind was furious, the waves had to be high. He began to sink. I can’t tell you how many times I have done this. I have great faith and then...I take my eyes off of Jesus. Just like Peter, I look at the wind and waves, I become afraid, and I sink. But, praise the Lord, Jesus stretches forth his hand every time and catches me. Life is scarey, cancer is scarey, losing my child is scarey. But, “what time I am afraid, I will trust in thee” Psalm 56:3

I recently found this song and it speaks to my heart as well. Its called Part the Waters
“When I think I’m going under, part the waters Lord. When I feel the waves around me, calm the sea. When I cry for help Oh hear me Lord and hold out your hand. Touch my life and heal the raging storm in me.”

There is one more set of verses about water that I call to mind when I am overwhelmed and afraid.
“When thou passest through the waters, I will be with thee; and through the rivers, they shall not overflow thee: when thou walkest through the fire, thou shalt not be burned; neither shall the flame kindle upon thee.” Isaiah 43:2

What a promise! He is with me, in deep waters, fiery furnaces, great storms, always!

I am so thankful to God for sending us to Arbanna that night and for laying it on Bro Eddie’s heart to preach that message. I am thankful for songs that I can listen to that speak the Truth and for His word, which is the only thing that can heal a hurting heart. God is wonderful!

Great News!

2010-11-30T19:03:00.002-06:00

We just returned from our latest trip from St. Jude and we received wonderful news. The tumor still has not changed!! It was awesome to hear the doctor say those words! I am still amazed at how God continues to bless our family and I am so grateful that His healing hand is still touching my precious baby!

This trip went really smoothly. Lyla did just fine being away from us-I think she was treated like a queen while we were gone! Abby was very brave yesterday during the IV poke and the MRI. She is so brave! Macy was good too! That was definitely an answered prayer! We have to go back for two more days to finish up some appointments but they don't require any needles or anesthesia. Here are a couple pictures of Abby and Macy during this trip.

I met a few other mothers this trip whose daughters have brain tumors as well and are in a similar situation as us, waiting and watching. It is comforting to meet others who really understand.

After being at St. Jude and seeing all those kids and families who are struggling to survive, I feel extremely blessed. There are so many things we take for granted and it is very humbling to spend a few days being reminded of how fortunate we are to be able to be leave the hospital with a relatively healthy child and have another 3 months of "normal" life. So many families are not that lucky. Please pray for all the families that are at St. Jude, battling this terrible thing called cancer. Thank you for the prayers for Abby, and please continue lifting her up in prayer. This is a lifetime battle for her.

Family of Five

2010-11-17T13:44:00.000-06:00

We are now a family of five! Macy Grace was born 5 1/2 weeks ago and has been such a wonderful addition to our family. Abby and Lyla adore her and, of course, Jason and I are in love with her. We feel so blessed to have such a perfect baby girl! My heart just wants to burst sometimes when I think about all that God has done in our life.

Here are a few photos of her. I don't have a single one of her and her sisters! Maybe one day I will get around to that!

The girls have done really well adjusting to life with a new little one around. I made it through the sleep deprivation and Jason made it through dealing with me! God has answered so many prayers for us throughout the pregnancy, labor, delivery, and the coming home process. He is so faithful and wonderful! It has not always been easy though. There are many days that life feels like chaos and I have to remind myself that this is just a season of life and we will make it. That is why it took so long for me to update the blog-I barely have time!

Last night I was reading to Macy out of one of my favorite books. I bought it for Abby but after having a trying past few days with my newest girl and with life in general, I had a feeling it would help change my attitude, and it did. The book is "God Thinks You're Wonderful!" by Max Lucado. As I was reading "You were deliberately planned, specifically gifted, and lovingly positioned on this earth by the Master Craftsman", tears ran down my cheeks as I was reminded of how blessed I am, even when life isn't going according to MY plan. He has a deliberate plan for me and for each of my girls. He is the one who is wonderful!

I would also like to ask for prayers for Abby. We will return to St Jude in 2 weeks for an MRI and our next round of appointments. Pray that the tumor will remain stable, with no change. Pray for Abby as she faces another IV. Pray for Lyla, she will stay with family this time and she cried about that today (she wants to go). Pray for Jason and I as we will be taking Macy with us. This trip won't be easy but we will make it!

"So promise me you'll never forget...that you aren't an accident or an incident...you are a gift to the world, a divine work of art, signed by God" Max Lucado from "God Thinks You're Wonderful"

Family Update

2010-09-17T14:55:00.002-05:00

I haven't written in a while and thought I should probably update everyone on how we are doing. To make a long story short: Great!

Abby and Lyla both are keeping me on my toes-running, jumping, dancing, learning, fighting-all the fun stuff little girls do. They are best friends and worst enemies every day. I don't think I have ever written about my experiences going from working mom to stay at home mom but I LOVE it! It is so great to see their personalities grow and develop and have a front row seat to all that they learn and do and say. Abby has had no new symptoms/warning signs develop. She is a typical 5 year old in every way. Lyla likes to be her comforter-any time Abby gets hurt or get in trouble, Lyla is right there, patting her back and asking if she is ok. So precious!

I am now almost 36 weeks pregnant. All is going well with this pregnancy. I have started feeling really tired lately and all the typical pregnancy issues (reflux, back aches, insomnia, etc.) are making labor and delivery look better and better! I have had such an increase in my desire to hold her-I can't hardly wait! Everyone in the house seems to feel that way too. Abby and Lyla are talking about her more and Jason keeps saying that he can't wait either. She doesn't have a name yet so Abby and Lyla call her "baby sister". Lyla will raise up my shirt and hug and kiss my belly and say "I love you baby sister". Abby talks to her all the time, just like if she were really there looking back at her. She loves to put her hand on my belly and feel her move. Lyla isn't patient enough for that! We are slowly getting our house ready for another baby and it won't be very long until she is here!

As you can see, we are all doing really well. We just try to enjoy every day and make the most of it. Although Abby's tumor is never far from our thoughts, we try to not let it rule our life. We talk openly about MRIs and IVs and medicine and her scars without over talking, if that makes sense. When we pray we ask God to keep His healing hand on her. We watched part of the St Jude special with her and looked for all the doctors and nurses and places we recognized. She thought it was so cool that her hospital was on tv-she has no idea what a big deal St Jude is! She seems to take it all in stride-it is just a part of her life and she doesn't seem phased by it at this point. I don't know at what age she will understand the seriousness of her diagnosis but I pray every night that God gives us the wisdom to deal with her questions/concerns/fears as she grows.

She asked a while back why she had to take medicine every day-she figured out that not every little girl has to do that. I talked to her about how God makes everyone special and unique-we aren't all the same. And God had chosen her to be extra special-that was why she had to take medicine and why she has MRIs and 2 scars and that was why she had to stay in the hospital and have surgery. Not too long after that she declared to her cousins that she was special because God made her that way! Another day I heard her tell a cousin that she doesn't get scared because God is always with her! It feels good to know she takes what we tell her to heart.

Please keep praying for her and for our whole family. Pray that the tumor never grows and actually shrinks (so God can really show off His power)! Pray for our whole family to have peace in our hearts and for Jason and I to have wisdom when talking to her and Lyla and when making any medical decisions. Pray for Lyla and "baby sister" that we will always keep their feelings in mind and that they never feel left out. Pray for all the patients at St Jude and their families. Pray for my friend Kellie and her precious daughter, Alyssa. Alyssa's tumor has grown and they are facing big decisions. I would not be as ok as I am today if it weren't for God sending Kellie my way. She has been a constant source of encouragement and understanding. Thank you all for your prayers-you have no idea what they mean to us!

"This I recall to my mind, therefore have I hope. It is the Lord's mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning: great is thy faithfulness. The Lord is my portion, saith my soul; therefore I will hope in Him" Lamentations 3:21-24

MRI Results

2010-08-24T18:03:00.002-05:00

We just returned from St. Jude and everything went very well-the MRI showed no tumor growth!! Words will never be able to describe the feelings I have after hearing those words, utter relief and joy.

Abby was very brave yesterday when she got her IV. We had been practicing and she did awesome! She did cry but she did not melt down, I was so proud! The MRI went smoothly and she had an easy recovery from it. Lyla went with us on this trip and she was so good-I am super proud of her too!

We were able to go the the Children's Museum and play for a while and have a nice meal last night. We were all very tired though.

Today we had an eye appointment-her vision is still excellent. Then we met with the neuro oncologist. It was a fairly quick and easy trip and of course the results are fantastic!

I feel so absolutely blessed that God would answer our prayers time and again. It is hard to see so many children who are so ill-I wonder why we have been spared so much. But all I can do is give honor and glory to Him for His wonderful works and never stop praising His mighty name!

Thank you all for your continued prayers. They are being answered!

MRI Coming Up

2010-08-18T12:40:00.002-05:00

Abby's next MRI is in less than a week. Please pray that the tumor has not changed and that we get another 3 months!

She is doing great-no changes in her that we can see. She is excited and a little nervous about going back to St. Jude. She loves it there but hates getting "shots" (IV). She talks about the "shots" a lot and we have actually been practicing lately. She does really good with the IV until the needle comes out so we are practicing NOT LOOKING at the needle. She is going to turn her head and look at her newest stuffed bear instead while I sing her a song. Hopefully it will work. We always put numbing cream on her arm and I really don't think it hurts her but she had some terrible experiences with IVs and blood draws at other hospitals.

Lyla is going with us this time. This will be the last time we go as a family of four. Next time around we will have a newborn baby!

Pray for Abby, pray for Jason and I as this is a very stressful time, and pray for Lyla too! She tends to get overlooked during these visits.

The Past Few Months

2010-07-15T12:16:00.010-05:00

Time is just flying by! I can't believe it is the middle of July already! It won't be long and we will be a family of 5! I thought I would update everyone on what we have been up to lately.

Back in May, Abby graduated from preschool. I got choked up during the ceremony because so much has changed in our lives in the past year. I am glad that Abby got to go back and spend time there and graduate with her class. She absolutely loved that place and loved her teachers, Ms. Christy and Ms. Linda. It made me sad that she won't be going back there, that a phase of her life is over for good. Everyone there has been so good to us. They raised a lot of money for us and prayed so hard for us.

We had the chance to go fishing at Adam's pond again! This is where we went last year around this same time, but under very different circumstances. We hadn't been to St. Jude yet or had surgery yet. We still thought she had gliomatosis cerebri! We had a great time this trip with about half the worries of last year lifted off our shoulders!

Memorial Day was spent at my brother's house. They have an awesome pool and the girls had a blast swimming there. Lyla is a daredevil in the pool. She had no fear!

We planted a raised bed garden this year, our first time to do so. We got a late start and some rocky dirt but it has grown quite well. When it was cooler the girls and I took care of it but now it is Jason's baby. We are getting tons of tomatoes. Sadly, bugs ate our squash and zucchini but the tomatoes and cucumbers are doing great. We also have 3 honeydew melons.

Before the heat settled in, we tried to clean out our house, building, and shop. We took 2 van loads to the Battered Women's Shelter! Our house is petite and adding another family member motivated us to clean out the junk. It took several days in the heat to finish but we have cleaned out and organized almost everything. I have the baby stuff ready to be washed and brought inside when it gets closer to time. I made room for her clothes in our closet and put the crib in its place.

It has been a very hot summer. I try to go out with the girls as much as possible but the heat makes me especially miserable and cranky. We got a little pool for them to play in and sometimes I turn on the sprinkler for myself!

Jason's mom went camping during the record heat so the girls and I went up there for a couple days. She has a camper but it was still too hot for this girl! My little ones had fun though!

Jason had a few days off around the 4th so we took the girls to Blanchard Springs. It was a really nice day and we had a lot of fun. We explored the spring and the caverns, ate a picnic lunch, and went for a swim.

We watched fireworks at the golf course this year. It was nice because the kids had lots of room to run around but unfortunately the trees blocked some of the fireworks. It was still fun!

Our church had VBS last week. We had a ton of kids! I did music again this year and Jason helped with the recreation (aka, dunking booth). The girls loved their classes and I think it went wonderfully. I was absolutely worn out by the end of the week but it was worth it.

Speaking of worn out, the baby and I are doing well. She is growing and so is my belly! The heat makes it harder but I know I will make it through. Abby was born in August during one of the hottest summers ever. I was 8 and 9 months pregnant when it was over 100 degrees outside, I can make it through this! I feel her moving all the time and my arms are starting to feel the need to hold her. A friend from church gave us a glider rocker and Abby has me sit in it and rock her babies so I can practice for her baby sister! I thought it was so sweet of her, but now she has got me longing to hold a real baby in it!

On a different note, after much prayer, research, and more prayer, we have decided to homeschool our girls. It has been an inkling of a thought since way before I quit work and everything happened with Abby. Then it became an occasional thought, then it became a pressing feeling that this is what we should do. I have already planned out our year, which will be like an advanced preschool. This way we can adjust to life with 3 girls before really tackling kindergarten. I actually started a new blog, Fruit of the Womb, to keep up with this journey but I am not sure that I will be able to keep it up. I want to, but it is time consuming, and time is something I am short on. I am not sure how this will work, but I do feel like it is what God is calling our family to do, so I know if I leave Him in charge that it will succeed. Please pray that we will continue to follow God's direction in this area.

We will be taking a short vacation to Branson at the end of the month, Abby's 5th birthday is coming up soon (August 10th), and our next MRI is August 23rd. Then we will just wait for baby sister to come in October! Please continue to pray for Abby, specifically that there will be no tumor growth.

It's A...

2010-06-16T14:07:00.002-05:00

I had an ultrasound yesterday and we found out that we are having...

ANOTHER GIRL!!!

Honestly, I was surprised. I really thought it had to be a boy, I mean we have 2 girls already, so a boy has to come sometime, right? After the initial shock went away, I was so excited. Another girl! More dresses and bows and baby dolls! I love having girls and another girl, well that will be just too precious!! I can't wait to meet her, to hold her. I wonder what she will look like (other than beautiful), what her personality will be like, and what her name will be. I feel blessed beyond measure! Three girls!!

Thank you all for your prayers!

Another MRI, Another Victory

2010-05-18T07:43:00.002-05:00

Last week we had our round of appointments at St. Jude. Three months sure goes by fast! We drove over to Memphis on Sunday night after church. I woke her up early Monday morning to give her a peanut butter sandwich since she would be NPO until late afternoon. Luckily, she went back to sleep! Abby had to have her IV started first thing in the morning. She did really well, only getting upset when the needle started coming toward her arm! Next time we are going to try to keep her from looking at it. We put numbing cream on her arm and she said it didn't hurt, it was just scarey looking. Next we had our MRI clearance visit with our clinic. This means the nurse looks at her blood work (and her) and declares her healthy enough to have an MRI. After that we had an eye appointment. There was no change in her vision which was a great relief.

The MRI was next. Jason went back with her this time since I was unsure if it was safe for me since I am pregnant. They ended up telling us it was ok for me to go back there as long as I stay out of the MRI room. I had a lot less anxiety though from not being back there. It is really hard to watch her go to sleep and leave her in someone else's care. It goes against your instinct as a parent. Jason felt the same way. After the MRI, I went back to recovery. She woke up really fast this time! The nurse said she was such a good patient, better than most of the teenagers! This MRI was her 9th, if my memory is correct.

After the MRI, she was cranky but finally decided she wanted to go eat and get a new toy for being so good all day!

Tuesday morning we went back to our clinic to see our nurse, Ms. Lindsey and our neuro-oncologist, Dr. Armstrong. Lindsey didn't give us any hints as to the results but she was very smiley with us so we thought that was a good sign. Dr. Armstrong came in with a big smile on his face and immediately told us the good news! No tumor growth! YEA!! He said that it was remarkable! We viewed the MRI. Abby was in the room with us and looked at the pictures too. On some you could really see her eyeballs which she thought was so cool. I am still amazed when I see those pictures. The tumor is so large and widespread and yet, she is perfectly normal. It is truly a miracle.

We came home after that but had to go back on Thursday morning for more appointments. We took Lyla with us this time. She is such a handful! Abby liked her being there though. Our first appointment was an EEG. I had to take Lyla out of the room so Jason stayed with her. She did great! We ate lunch then had an appointment with the neurologist, Dr. Shah. She was happy with the EEG results and how Abby is doing on the seizure meds.

After that we took the girls to the zoo. It was really hot that afternoon but they had a good time.

I was much more calm this time around. I had a few meltdowns leading up to the trip but once we got there I felt peaceful. I was not surprised when he said the tumor was stable like I usually am. I knew it would be. I was also so proud of Abby for being so brave and good. She has adjusted to this craziness better than anyone else!

My heart is full of gratitude to God for His blessings. I am so grateful that Abby has had a whole year of freedom from treatment. I am so grateful that she has no deficits even though the tumor is massive. I am so grateful that we have a place like St. Jude so close. I am so grateful for all those who continue to pray for our sweet Abby.

We have another 3 months of freedom before the next MRI. Please keep praying for her and for our whole family.

One Year Ago

2010-04-21T13:46:00.005-05:00

It has been almost one year since our journey began. At this time last year, we were blissfully unaware of what lay ahead for our family. Up until recently I wanted to go back to those days before we knew, but I don't feel that way anymore. I think I have finally accepted that this is our life. It is not the life I would have chosen, Abby has suffered too much for me to ever say that, but I accept that this is our path, our journey, our life. Now I like to think that we are blissfully aware of God's awesome power!

April 23rd is my birthday and marks one year since we took her to the ER at ACH for her seizures. April 24th marks one year since the MRI that sent us to the ICU. Those days were life changing for our family. I will never be the same person I was before then, neither will Abby. But in most ways, that is a good thing. I feel other's pain more deeply now and have a desire to help others when they are going through hard times. I am ok with receiving help from others-God is using them and will bless them for it. Bible verses, hymns, songs touch me in a way that they didn't before that day. Prayer is more important to me than it ever was before. I feel closer to Jason-the only person who can understand how I feel.

And my girls are even more precious to me than they were before. I try to soak up the moments I spend with them because I know that those moments are fleeting. Life can change in an instant. I don't want to waste my days being angry, bitter, unhappy. That doesn't mean there aren't bad days, but even on the worst days I am very aware that we could be in a very different place. We could be counting down the days of her life, we could be on chemo, we could be in ICU, we could be mourning over her.

It puts everything into perspective. I still like nice things (furniture, clothes, shoes, etc.) but it is not what I strive for anymore. That was the first lesson I learned in ICU. No matter how much money we would have had, we were still reduced to sleeping on a cot, doing laundry in a community washer/dryer, and taking showers in a public restroom. And we were still begging God to spare our child, just like all the other parents in that ICU. Another mother in a similar situation and I were talking about this-how we feel like we have a secret. All the little things that used to matter, don't matter anymore. Like how big your house is, what color to paint your bedroom, what baseball team your child is on, etc. And life is a lot better when you figure that out!

I also feel so much closer to God now and wouldn't want to go back to my relationship with Him before. There were some dark days early on but I could always feel His presence. I thought of how much it must have hurt to see his Son crucified and how much he must love me to make that sacrifice. I thought of Jesus and how He prayed in the garden to let the cup pass from Him. I prayed that many times as well but unlike Jesus, I wasn't always ready to follow God's will (and for the record I am not comparing myself to Jesus, just that those words ring true in my ears). I thought of Abraham and how he was willing to sacrifice his promised son, Isaac, without complaint. I read about him and realized how little faith and trust I had in God. I read Lamentations 3:21-24 and knew that although it felt like I might be consumed, He would not allow it. I thought of heaven and how these hurts here on Earth will be no more and I prayed that the trumpet would sound. I saw the genorosity of others and realized that God is faithful to provide "exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think" Ephesians 3:20. I heard others prayers for Abby and saw the results of those prayers (a miracle!) and knew that 1 John 5:14 was true, "And this is the confidence that we have in Him, that, if we ask any thing according to His will, He heareth us". He was there in that MRI suite with us, in that ICU room, on the plane back from Houston, in the OR with Abby during surgery and in the chapel with us while waiting, and He remains with us today, providing hope and comfort, just like it says in Deuteronomy 31:8 "He will be with thee, He will not fail thee, neither forsake thee". I realize now that He is faithful and He is trustworthy, even when our faith waivers and we doubt His power. And His knowledge far exceeds mine and that is why I trust Him. No matter what happens to her, I trust Him. "Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding" Proverbs 3:5

We will be heading back to St. Jude for another MRI in about 2 weeks. Pray for Abby, that the tumor will not have grown and that against all odds, it will have shrunk on its own! Pray for Jason, Lyla, and me. It is a stressful time leading up to the MRI, it is hard waiting on the results, and we will need prayer to make it through. And pray that while all these landmark dates roll around, we will feel like rejoicing, not mourning!

Family Update & Easter

2010-03-31T12:59:00.004-05:00

It is finally spring around here! Our whole family is enjoying this beautiful weather!

Abby is doing great. After our last visit to St. Jude, we decided to send her back to preschool 2 days a week. She was really missing her teachers and her friends. She is absolutely loving it! She practically drags me out the door on those mornings! Abby is also very excited about her "baby brother". Now, we don't know what it is going to be yet, but she is sure it is a boy. And she prays that God will send her a baby brother every time she prays.

Speaking of the baby, I haven't posted anything in so long because I have not felt well. I have had some miserable morning sickness (that lasts all day sometimes) and have been very tired. It is improving though and hopefully in a few more weeks it will all be a memory!

Lyla is enjoying her one on one time with mama on the days Abby is in school. She misses her big sister but she loves being the center of attention during that time. Lyla has a birthday coming up soon-I can't believe she is already two. She is talking so much and has the funniest personality. This morning at breakfast she was trying to tell Abby a knock knock joke. All she would say is "knock knock", "orange" over and over. Abby thought it was a pretty funny joke anyway!

We haven't gotten our schedule from St. Jude yet but I am pretty sure her appointments will be at the beginning of May. Please keep her in your prayers!

I am very excited about Easter this year. Yes, the girls have new dresses and we will hunt eggs and eat a big meal with family but the meaning of Easter goes beyond those traditions. Jesus gave His life for us on that cross and then 3 days later, was raised from the dead. Jesus Christ conquered death and that should give all Christians reason to rejoice because it means that we too will one day conquer death. It means even more to me this year than it did last year. Some of the verses that give me the most comfort when I am afraid or worried are those referring to His resurrection.

"He is not here; for He is risen..." Matthew 28:6

"These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world." John 16:33

"O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?" 1 Corinthians 15:55

"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son; that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

If you believe in Him (Jesus Christ), you will have an eternal home in heaven. Your earthly body may fail you, but your eternal one will not. Easter Sunday really means victory over death-not only for our Savior, but for all Christians!

Psalm 139:14

2010-02-24T08:55:00.003-06:00

"I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well" Psalm 139:14

This verse had brought me so much comfort over the past 10 months. After Abby's brain surgery, the neurosurgeon, Dr. Boop, said that the tumor looked old and that it had been growing since birth and maybe even in utero. I realized then that she was "fearfully and wonderfully made." God made Abby "wonderfully", brain tumor and all. My mind asks "why" quite often but then I am reminded of this verse. There are so many verses on the Bible that remind us that God not only knows everything about us, even the number of hairs on our head (Matthew 10:30) but He created us, every one of us, perfectly. God did not make a mistake with Abby, or with any child. It has taken me a while to be at peace with this, but I think I am finally there. And once again, God's word helped me to understand that which my human mind could not.

Jason and I found out last week that we are expecting another child and this verse has taken on another depth of meaning. This tiny little life inside of me is being "wonderfully made" by God. Abby and I looked at pictures of babies from inside the womb as they grow and develop, and let me tell you, "marvelous are thy works". The book even admitted that so much of how a baby develops is a mystery. How do the cells know to create a lung, liver, spine, fingernail? Science may never be able to answer that question but "my sould knoweth right well." God designed a perfect system, and even though we may not understand every detail, He does. I am glad that God is in control of this tiny little life, just as He was with Abby and Lyla. And that even if this child is a boy or a girl, tall or short, blond headed or brown headed, etc., God designed this baby perfectly.

Jason and I are ecstatic that God has blessed us with another child and Abby is so excited that she is going to have a baby brother or sister. She is the biggest sister and Lyla is the big sister! I am only 6 weeks along so please pray for this newest addition to our family along with the rest of us.

Last Week Recap

2010-02-16T13:46:00.008-06:00

First, I just want to say that I am so glad to be home and I am so glad that Jason is home! Our family is back together again. At one point, we were spread out between 3 states. That is not the way it should be! Now that he is home, I feel like everything can start to get back to normal.

I think I will recap the week by going day by day.

Monday

My stepdad drove Abby and I to Memphis Monday afternoon because of the bad weather. I could have made it on my own but it was nice to sit back and relax and let someone else worry about the road conditions. When we got to Memphis I was really glad he drove because it was slick there. I wasn't very happy about being there without a vehicle but I tried to tell myself that we would be just fine. Abby was excited to be there and to have me all to herself. She was literally bouncing off the walls (and the beds). We didn't do much that evening-ate at the cafeteria, watched a movie, and unpacked our stuff.

Tuesday

Road conditions were much worse on Tuesday so I was really glad we went early. Abby had a good time tromping through the snow and sliding on the ice. We started our appts with a blood draw-her least favorite thing. I didn't tell her ahead of time about it because I knew she would get upset. She figured out really fast what we were doing. She always gets her blood drawn at the same place so when we got back to the room, she started getting nervous. She was very brave though and it only took 3 of us to hold her still. She cried but didn't kick or scream. I was very proud of her for being so big and brave! Next we had to be cleared for our MRI. We went to see our regular nurse and neuro-oncologist. They just make sure she is healthy enough for sedation. I also get to ask any questions I might have. No new information this time. We also met with the anesthesia nurse to review her chart. Between visits, Abby got to meet a new friend. His name was Kicker and he had surgery recently. His owner showed us where his IV had been. Abby loved him! I think she loved him even more after she found out he had an IV! He was the sweetest dog, so laid back and gentle. He put his paw on her leg while she was brushing him-so precious!

That night they had Corky's BBQ catered to the Grizzlies House where we stay. Different groups in Memphis volunteer to serve dinner there about once a week. It was so nice to get a break from the cafeteria food! They had some Valentines to make and a lot of candy to eat. Jason flew in to Memphis that night too. He got very lucky and was able to ride on a shuttle to St Jude instead of taking a taxi. Saved us $30! Abby and I both were so glad to see him!

My anxiety over the MRI was really growing at this point. I hardly slept that night and found myself almost hyperventilating. Abby kept asking how many hours until the MRI. I guess she was feeling anxious too!

Wednesday

Luckily the MRI started early. We had to be there at 7:15 and it didn't take long for her to get called back. Our preacher, Bro Curt and his wife had come to be with us that morning. Abby was excited to them. I had a talk with her about putting on the gown and being a sweet girl ahead of time so she didn't fight me about the gown this time. She let me know that she didn't want to put it on though. We got back to the holding room and I could tell she was nervous. The nurses noticed too and gave her something to help her relax. It really helped. She started smiling again after that kicked in. They let her pick out her flavor for the mask and in no time she was asleep. I prayed over her and kissed her and left. It is always so hard to leave her. I almost panic every time. They started her IV after she was asleep. I am so glad we started doing that, it helps so much. The time passed quickly and they called me back to recovery soon. She was still asleep so I sat and watched her beautiful little face. The anxiety medicine she had taken made her a little loopy after she woke up. She was very smiley and chatty. She kept saying she was tired (in a very comical way that I just can't explain) but then would sit up and keep on talking. The hospital was having a Valentine carnival so we headed to it after she seemed more alert and clear headed. The carnival was sponsored by Target-it was awesome. She got a t shirt, gift card, goodie bag, and book. They had games, face painting, crafts, live music, and food. She really had a good time. Here she is decorating her mailbox.

I was about to go crazy waiting for the doctor to call with the results. We kept our phones very close and jumped every time they rang. We decided to ride the trolley while we waited to help pass the time. Abby loves the trolley! There is a trolley stop just 2 blocks from St Jude so we ride it every time we go. It was a cold walk to the stop but worth it. We ate at Gus's Famous Fried Chicken. The chicken was too spicy for Abby but Jason and I liked it. Here is a picture of her and her daddy on the trolley.

We got back to the Grizzlies House at 5 and I couldn't wait any more. I called our nurse and she delivered the great news-"it appears from the preliminary results that the tumor has not changed". Jason and I both spent a lot of time on our phones calling everyone after that. Relief is the best word to describe how I felt. I wasn't really emotional this time. I think I was still too bound up from anxiety and stress. I slept like a baby that night!

Thursday

We only had one appt on Thursday so we slept late and took our time getting around. Jason's mom had Lyla at this point and decided to drive down to Memphis with her. I was so glad, I had missed her so much. There was a Disney star at St Jude that morning who was going to sing some songs so we listened to her while we waited for Barb and Lyla. She was on the Hotel for Dogs movie and she was a great singer! Lyla got there for the last few songs and she danced like nobody was watching! It was so funny!

We met with the neurologist-nothing new really. The decrease in her seizure med is official. She will have an EEG next visit. I asked whether she would eventually come off her med and the short answer is no, because of the area of the brain where the tumor is. Even small seizures can cause brain damage if left untreated so it is better to be safe. Her med is very mild, has no drug interaction, so it is best to leave her on it, probably forever.

After our appt, we decided to go to the Children's Museum of Memphis. We finally had a vehicle and I really wanted to get off St Jude property! The girls had a really good time there. The real but tiny supermarket was the best!

We ate at Osaka Japanese Restaurant afterwards-Lyla hated it! The chef, the fire, the banging of utensils, all terrified her! The food was great though. Then it was time to take Jason back to the airport. We all hated to see him go.

Friday

We got up and tried to get everything packed up and ready to go home! I met with our oncologist to look at the MRI. I haven't viewed one in about 6 months so I was glad to see it again. I have such mixed emotions when I see her scans. On one hand, it is depressing-I hate seeing all that tumor and know that it is just waiting to wreak havoc on her. But on the other hand, it is uplifting-all that tumor and no major side effects, no treatment. My mind goes back to that trip to MD Anderson when the neurosurgeon told us that she had very little time left on this earth because of the size and type of her tumor. But God said otherwise! The MRI always reminds me of God's mighty power and His faithfulness to our prayers. That tumor is being quiet because He is in control. There will probably be a day when it will grow but that won't mean that God stopped listening. It just means that He is in control and that His will is being done.

Next up was our eye appt. They dilated her eyes this time. There was absolutely no change to her vision. The tumor is very close to her optic nerve so the oncologist feels like a vision change will occur if the tumor grows. Even though I had seen the MRI, it felt good to hear that her vision is the same too.

After that we loaded up and left town. We have freedom for another 3 months, praise God!

Jason got home yesterday and things aren't quite back to normal yet. We are both very tired from such a long, stressful week. The girls are tired of being cooped up inside and our house is a mess. I should probably be stressed out over all that but I am not. I am glad I am home, I am glad Jason is home, I am glad that I won't be going back to St Jude for another 3 months, I am glad that we are not there right now getting a port placed and starting chemo. I am glad that I get 3 more months to enjoy our life. And I plan to do better about enjoying our life. I am going to try to let go of some of my fears and anxieties and worries. I am going to try to relax and "be still and know that He is God" and let Him handle it. Not easy for me to do, but I am going to try.

Please continue to pray for Abby and our whole family. We need it more than I can express!

One more thing, as you can tell from this post, St Jude is amazing! Even though we had no vehicle, all our needs were provided by them. We had plenty of food and things to do. There were movies to "rent" and tons of activities to keep Abby occupied. This is the longest we have stayed since our first trip. I would have gone crazy if it weren't for all the great things they had going on for the families. They should be a model for all other hospitals of how to care for your patients in every way! If any of you donate money to them, I will be the first to say it is worth every penny you send. They take care of their families!

Thank You!

2010-02-14T14:44:00.002-06:00

Thank you all for your prayers, emails, comments, text messages, and phone calls. It means so much to us all! I am so glad to be home and to have received such wonderful news! To say that I feel relieved is an understatement. The final results were the same as the preliminary results so we are ecstatic. I am so grateful that God has continued to keep His healing hand on my baby. Please continue to pray for her!

I will post some pictures and more details from our trip soon.

No Tumor Growth!!

2010-02-10T20:07:00.003-06:00

Morgan wanted me to let everyone know the preliminary results show the tumor has not grown. They will get the final results on Friday but they should be the same. She will post more once they know everything.
Thank you again for keeping up with Abby's progress and for your prayers for their family.

Not Snow Fun, Please Pray

2010-02-08T08:41:00.002-06:00

OK, now I hate the snow! I couldn't believe that it actually snowed last night, throwing a wrench in our plans. I feel like the devil is really working hard this week on our family!

To update everyone-Jason left yesterday for Kentucky for work and he is flying to Memphis to meet up with us Tuesday night. Abby and I were supposed to leave tomorrow morning for our first day of appointments. The snow has changed all of that. I am afraid the road conditions will be worse in the morning so my stepdad is driving us to Memphis this afternoon. I am scrambling to keep the girls occupied and pack all of our bags. And now I will be in Memphis without a vehicle. But since it is snowing, I wouldn't be going anywhere.

My stress level is about as high as it can get and our family needs prayer. It is hard for Jason to be gone when all this craziness is going on here and it is hard for me to juggle everything. Plus, the anxiety of the MRI is weighing very heavy on me. I want everyone to pray for our family, that we will make it through this week.

I will have my sister in law update the blog when we know the results of the MRI.

Snow Fun!

2010-02-02T14:02:00.004-06:00

I can't believe there is still snow on the ground! The girls have had a good time with all this snow. We have been able to go sledding, make snow angels, and build a few snowmen. We have also had some cabin fever too! I am glad we don't live where it is like this all winter! I am so tired of wet boots, clothes, mittens, hats, and coats!

I thought I would share some pictures of the girls enjoying the snow!

Please keep praying for us and the upcoming MRI. We will leave early Tuesday morning and be gone until Friday night. It is going to be a stressful week and we need all the divine intervention we can get.

Upcoming Appointments

2010-01-21T14:47:00.002-06:00

Our next round of appointments at St. Jude are coming up soon. This time we will be there for 4 days. They begin on February 9th. The MRI is on the 10th. Please begin praying now that there will be no change on the MRI. Pray that God will keep His healing hands on Abby and that her body will fight off tumor growth. Pray that all the other appointments and blood work go well also. Pray for Jason and I, that we will lay our worries and fears at Jesus feet and not carry so much anxiety with us in the days leading up to that MRI. I can't begin to express how hard it is the last few weeks, and especially the last few days, leading up to the MRI. Pray that we will feel strengthened and at peace. Pray for Lyla as she will be away from us for several days. Pray that she enjoys herself and does not feel left out.

For all of you that still read this blog and keep up with Abby's progress, thank you! Thank you for continuing to pray for her. It means so much!

God's Word

2010-01-15T16:16:00.004-06:00

Our journey began at Arkansas Children's Hospital. We were there for 8 days and during that time I realized that the only words that brought me or Jason comfort were the words of the Lord, the Bible. The most eloquent spokesman could speak words of comfort all day and it still doesn't have the same affect as reading a passage of scriptures in your Bible and knowing that God put them there for you.

Abby had 2 MRIs during our first stay at ACH. The first one was when we found our about the "lesion" (they didn't know what it was then) and the second one was to see if there had been any change and to do some different kinds of imaging to get a better look at the "lesion". I was anxious all that day, waiting for that MRI. We were praying that the anti-viral medicine they gave her had "fixed" her lesion and that there would be nothing on the MRI, but the doctors were less sure it was a viral infection and more sure it was a tumor. This MRI would tell us for sure (we thought). The morning of that MRI, Jason had a message on his phone from a fellow church member, listing some verses that we might find helpful. We looked them up, wrote them down, and read them over and over. I started searching for more verses to help me make sense of what was happening. I spent all day searching and writing. I had a notebook there with me and I filled pages and pages up with verses. During the MRI, I read them over and over and over.

Those verses that our brother in Christ left on our phone meant more to us and brought us more comfort than any words he could have spoken. For some reason, we (me included) want someone or something to help us with our problems but we overlook the best source to help us with all our needs, God's word.

I keep those verses in my Bible. I have many of them memorized now. When you go through trials and tribulations in your life, the Bible becomes even more alive, even more relevant. A verse you have read over and over suddenly has a deep and profound meaning. Those verses are real to me and I feel closer to the Lord when I read them. I know He had me in mind when He inspired them to be penned.

If you feel troubled today, grab your Bible. Pray that God would lead you to a passage that will help you. If someone you love is hurting, write down some of your favorite verses and share it with them.

Outside the Snow is Falling..

2010-01-04T18:29:00.005-06:00

Abby was so excited that it snowed! She has had a blast sledding, making snow angels, and eating icicles! Lyla, on the other hand, would rather be somewhere warm. Thought I would share a few pictures of them enjoying the snow!

Starting soon, I plan to post about the very beginning of our journey in greater detail. I didn't start blogging until after we went to Houston which was about 3 weeks into it. I am mainly doing this for myself. I want to write about it now before I forget anything. I plan for this blog to be a record for Abby when she gets older so she can see what she went through and how far she has come. And I want to do this for all of you who read about Abby. Some of you may not know much about how this all started. I will write as often as I can until I am done telling the story.

Hope you all are staying warm!

Note added on Friday, January 6, 2010: I did post about the first few days of our journey but knew I wouldn't be able to finish it. I don't know why, but it didn't feel like the right thing to do. I removed the post and won't be telling that part of the story any time soon. I think it is too soon and too personal. So sorry.

Great Day

2009-12-30T12:19:00.004-06:00

Yesterday was a great day! The girls and I drove to Benton to meet Kellie Beggs and her kids, Kodi and Alyssa. Alyssa is 7 and also has a brain tumor. Her tumor is a craniopharyngioma. She had surgery in October 2008 but there is some residual tumor left. She has MRIs every 3 months like Abby. Kellie truly understands how I feel and it was so wonderful to sit down and talk to her in person. We have emailed each other for months, but there is nothing like a face to face conversation. We talked about all the joys and hardships of this journey and surprisingly, I didn't even cry! I was just so happy to talk to someone who I knew wouldn't think I was crazy!

The girls played together and compared surgery scars. I am glad Abby will get to know someone like her. I am glad she will know that she is not alone. I am glad I know that I am not alone! Kellie has been such a source of strength for me, and I know that God's hand was in our paths crossing.

I smiled the whole way home. Abby has talked about Alyssa almost non-stop. It was a great day!

Our Christmas

2009-12-27T18:59:00.002-06:00

We had a wonderful Christmas. Our celebration lasted 3 days! We got tons of great gifts and just had a great time.

On Christmas Eve I made pizza and we drove around with our pj's on and looked at Christmas lights. We came home, popped popcorn, and read the Christmas story from the bible. It was nice to get to spend time with just us.

Christmas morning the girls were very excited to see what Santa had brought. Abby was so happy that Santa had brought her a baby doll, "He knew I wanted it and he got it for me!" Very precious. Lyla didn't really understand but she played and played.

We spent Christmas day with Jason's parents and siblings and Christmas night with my extended family. Yesterday we spent the day with my mom, stepdad, and siblings. It was so nice to relax with all of our family, eat lots of good food, and open presents. I was sad to see it all end. We do have one more celebration, next week we will go spend time with my dad's family. I can't wait to see all of them!

After church today the girls spent all afternoon playing in their bedroom with all their new toys. I didn't have to break up many fights or give out many snacks today! They were too busy!

I hope you all had a wonderful Christmas too. I feel blessed beyond measure!

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-23T14:49:00.002-06:00

I can't believe that Christmas is in 2 days! Time goes by fast! I was waiting to write because I wanted to include a picture of the girls in their Christmas dresses but we still haven't managed to do that. I will post a picture of them after the holidays!

Abby is very excited about Christmas-she wants Santa to bring her a baby doll. Lyla is excited about the presents and bows! I have had to re-wrap several gifts and none of the presents under the tree have bows now!

Christmas is always a very busy time but I hope that all of you can find time to remember the true meaning of Christmas and to cherish your friends and family. Please pray for those who will not be with their families this Christmas. There will be children celebrating in a hospital room instead of their living room. Pray that God brings them and their families comfort, peace, and strength. Remember them when you feel stressed about all you have to do and all the places you have to go. I know that I plan to soak up every minute with my girls over the next several days!

At our church Christmas program, our beautiful and talented teen girls sang the song "The Gift". It has stuck with me all week long and kept my mind focused on the reason I celebrate this joyous holiday. I would like to share the chorus with you.

He was the Son God sent to one and all
Put on this earth to hang there on that cross
Born to die so we could live
He had the birthday, we got the gift

I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas!

We Saw Santa!

2009-12-05T21:16:00.004-06:00

We went to the Christmas parade tonight and it was cold! The girls had a good time anyway. They especially loved seeing Santa at the end! We have our house all decorated for Christmas and the girls love the tree and lights. We are singing lots of Christmas carols too! Life is good around our house!

Thankful

2009-11-26T18:57:00.002-06:00

We have had a wonderful Thanksgiving! And I am truly thankful to God that we got to spend the day with family and that we are all healthy. I am so glad that we are not in a hospital, not having chemo, and that we will get to enjoy the holiday season all together. I am thankful that God worked a miracle in our life and that He continues to bless us daily. I am thankful for my family, my friends, my church.

But most of all, I am thankful that God loved me enough to send His Son, Jesus, to take my place on that cross, to sacrifice himself for me. In one act of unconditional, inconceivable love, my sins were paid for, bought by the blood of Jesus Christ.

I hope that even if we were in a hospital, going through chemo, that I would still be thankful for that gift. I hope that no matter what happens in the future, I can still find thankfulness in my heart. I hope that I can always lift my hands in praise of our Creator and all that He has done for me. I hope you can too.

Cookbook to Benefit St. Jude

2009-11-19T20:40:00.003-06:00

I have been searching the web often looking for healthy recipes that fit into our new diet. I have found some great websites but yesterday while looking up how to cook spaghetti squash I came across a blog that caught my eye. The author of the blog had compiled healthy kid friendly recipes from other blogs and made a cookbook as a fundraiser for St. Jude! You make a donation and download the cookbook and all the money is going to be given to St. Jude. How great is that! I am constantly amazed at how generous and kind people are.

I got a cookbook for myself and have already made something in it (it was the parmesan chicken nuggets and they were delicious). It's great and I wanted to share it with all of you. Go to www.simplysugarandglutenfree.com scroll down a little and look on the right hand side. There is a picture of the cookbook and a headline. You can donate any amount through PayPal. Go check it out!

What's New

2009-11-17T13:52:00.002-06:00

Life has been good for us since returning from St. Jude. We are so happy that we get until February to enjoy-no chemo during the holidays! Yea! Everything got back to normal pretty quickly.

I have really settled into staying at home. It was challenging at first and I have had a hard time managing everything in the household but now I feel pretty good about it. I still have days when I feel overwhelmed but I am slowly learning how to balance the kids and cooking and cleaning and laundry. It has been much harder work than I anticipated! I am so grateful that I am able to stay home with them. I sometimes look at the clock and think about how different our lives would be if I were at work right then instead of at home.

The major change since we got back is in our eating habits. Before leaving for St Jude I had spent a lot of time researching nutrition and cancer. Jason and I both decided that for Abby and for the rest of us, a change in our diet was a must. After lots of reading and planning we are finally making the change to a healthier diet. We have cut out almost all added sugar and processed foods and have greatly increased whole grain, fruit, and vegetable intake. It has been hard at times and it has taken much more thought and planning but I feel much better about what I am feeding her and Lyla! We are eating as much organic foods as possible as well and are switching to organic chicken and grass fed beef. I am still drinking coffee with french vanilla creamer though and when we go to our family's house we eat what is there. Right now the goal is not to deny ourselves food but to replace the food. I don't want to burn out so if I really want some chocolate-I eat it. I have lost 8 pounds in 2 weeks so far. Abby and Lyla like most of what I have made but there has been some real disasters (chicken millet skillet-yuck)! I have thought about starting another blog about our meals but I just don't know if I have the time to maintain it.

Thank you all for your continued prayers!

Great News!

2009-11-04T06:39:00.004-06:00

We are home from St. Jude and we received great news! The tumor has not grown! It looks the same as it did last time! We are so relieved!!!!!!!! Thank you God for taking care of us!!

Our trip couldn't have gone any smoother-thank you all for the prayers-I know they made a difference!

We ran a little behind schedule Monday morning but got there with no problem. She had an eye appt and PT and OT evals. Her vision has not changed (still 20/20) and her optic nerve looks healthy! The PT and OT both said she looked great so they are recommending no evals for a year unless I have a concern. She had to have blood drawn and she was so brave. We still have to hold her down but not like before. She was much easier to control this time. After those appointments we went to our clinic (E clinic) to get clearance for the MRI. They check her blood counts and listen to her lungs to make sure she is ok for anesthesia. The nurse, Lindsey, does a bunch of neuro checks to be sure there is no weakness, her eyes move together, balance, etc. Then we were done and had enough time to go to the zoo. She had so much fun! We only had 1 1/2 hours but we managed to see a lot! The goat she is petting in the picture was her favorite animal (I think b/c she touched it). It was a beautiful day and the zoo was so nice-trees changing colors everywhere. We went out to eat after and then went back to the Grizzlies House to sleep. It was a wonderful day and we felt so greatful for it.

Her MRI was on Tuesday morning. It went well except she did not want to wear the hospital gown. We had a big meltdown over that-so I put on a hospital gown and then she was fine. They put her under with gas this time, then started the IV. I was so glad we didn't have to hold her down again! They also gave her a different medicine b/c she has been coming out of anesthesia extremely cranky. It worked! She was so sweet this time when she woke up! After the MRI we went to our clinic to meet with her neuro-oncologist, Dr Armstrong. I spent the whole time crying-I was so embarrassed that I couldn't get it together. I guess all the stress and worry caught up with me. We got to have a good talk with him though and ask lots of questions. We really like him-he is so calm and reassuring. After that we ate lunch and headed home. Dr. Armstrong said he would call as soon as he knew about the MRI but it wouldn't be until evening more than likely.

Every time we heard the phone ring we got nervous. The ride home was hard b/c we just wanted to know! He called at 6:10 and gave us the good news. I bawled. I can't even explain the relief I felt. I am so grateful to God for giving us 3 more months. He has been so good to us!

Thank you all from the bottom of my heart for all the prayers! You just don't understand how much it means to us. Please continue to pray for her. This will be a lifelong fight for her. Please don't ever stop praying for her! I would also like for you to pray for all the patients at St. Jude. I am forever changed by the things I have seen there. There are so many families out there in such worse situations than us. There are so many brave little kids there. If you have healthy children, get down on your knees and thank God! Any time life gets you down, remind yourself of all the blessings that may seem insignificant. At any moment they can be taken away. None of the families there expected this to be their life. Pray for them all.

"Give thanks unto the Lord" Psalm 107:1

Thursday's Appt

2009-10-30T13:27:00.003-05:00

I wanted to post a recent picture of Abby. Her swelling is gone completely and her weight is back to normal. Her hair is growing out and we got her bangs cut all the way across so it looks more like we planned on her hair being like that! This is the pumpkin we carved last night when we got home! We roasted the seeds and you would have thought they were candy! Her and Lyla both gobbled them up!

We went to St. Jude yesterday for a neurology appt. All went well (other than driving in the downpour). We just talked about her seizure medication, side effects, dosage, etc. We are going to reduce her dosage slightly and see if it helps with behavior and sleep problems. Hopefully there will be no breakthrough seizures and we can keep her seizure free on less medication! We took Lyla with us but Jason and I had a hard time listening and concentrating on the doctor with all the commotion! We decided it would be best to leave her behind when we go Monday and Tuesday. I really want to be able to give 100% of my attention to what it going on with Abby. I hate leaving her though.

Please pray for all of us. It was hard to go back after being gone so long. Those "I don't belong here" feelings were pretty strong! It's also hard to see all the other kids who are so sick-we are so fortunate but we know that at any time she could be one of those beautiful bald babies. Pray that the tumor will not have grown! I really want 3 more months of freedom!

Marathon/Appt

2009-10-22T12:42:00.003-05:00

Just wanted to remind everyone to either sign up to join the Abby's Army marathon team or to make a donation to the team. If you are having trouble signing up (it is confusing) then call the phone number on the web page and ask them to walk you through it. It is not very user friendly!

I know most of you who keep up with us pray for us daily but I ask that you pray a little extra over the next few weeks. We go to St. Jude in one week for a neurology appt and we go on Nov 2 & 3 for our complete workup, including the MRI. Please pray that the tumor will not have grown and that we will get another 3 months of "freedom" from chemo. Pray for Abby since she will once again be subjected to long days and IVs. Pray that Jason & I will have patience with both girls and each other since it is stressful for all of us to be away from home. Thank you all for your love and prayers!

What she thinks and says...

2009-09-20T20:46:00.003-05:00

Some of you may wonder what Abby thinks about all this. So I thought I would give you a little insight into that.

We told her back at ACH that she had a boo boo inside her head that she can't see and that doesn't hurt but makes her dizzy sometimes and that is why she takes medicine and why she has MRIs. She doesn't call them MRIs-she says they are taking her picture. We explained that the MRI machine is like a huge camera that takes pictures of the inside of her head and lets the doctors look at her boo boo. Honestly, she doesn't ask many questions about it. When she had surgery we told her that they would look inside her head and try to fix some of the boo boo. We answer any questions honestly but like I said, she doesn't ask toom nay questions. She does, however, talk about it a lot.

I thought I would list some of the things she has said:

"I like it when they take my picture. They give me medicine and I fall asleep and I snore and you give me a kiss."

"When they took my brain out it gave me a bubble head" (bubble head is what we called the swelling)

"I couldn't see out of this eye after they took my brain out" (b/c of swelling)

"Did I almost fall and you caught me?" (her version of one of her seizures, she has heard me tell it to doctors and nurses probably 30 times)

She also talks about God, Jesus, and angels a lot.
"When I had surgery, God sent angels to take care of me. I wasn't scared."

"God is talking to me. I think I'll read God a book." (thunder is God talking to her)

"Did God tell you to stay home and take care of your babies b/c I was in the hospital for so long?" (why I don't work any more)

"Angels carry you to heaven, mama"

"I love Jesus. I want him to come play toys with me."

"The Holy Ghost is a good ghost." (has been talking about ghosts a lot lately so we had a talk about the Holy Ghost and now that is what she always wants to talk about, the Holy Ghost!)

It always amazes me the simple love she has for God and Jesus. She sees them as real people who care about her. I am so glad that she understands that so young.

I love listening to her talk b/c I never know what kind of precious words will come out of that mouth. If I think of any more I will post them.

Please continue to lift her and our family up in prayer.

St. Jude Memphis Marathon Weekend

2009-09-12T14:04:00.003-05:00

Join the Abby's Army marathon team! On December 5th, there will be the annual St. Jude Memphis Marathon with proceeds going to St. Jude Children's Hospital, where Abby receives treatment. There is a full marathon, half marathon, and a 5k run/walk. My stepsister, Tanya, and her husband, Brian, have formed the team and are trying to raise $2000 in Abby's name. You can register to run/walk or make a donation.

This is the link to the team page where you can make donations.
www.mystjudeheroes.org/abbysarmy

If you want to run/walk in Abby's name, go to http://www.stjudemarathon.org/ and register. Be sure to join team Abby's Army (under St. Jude Heroes).

Thank you Brian and Tanya! I can't wait to see how much you are able to raise!

How is Abby?

2009-09-08T12:47:00.002-05:00

I get asked that question alot when I am out and about. I usually say "Wonderful!" which is true but I thought I would provide a more detailed answer here.

Abby IS doing wonderful. If you were to watch her play or talk you would never know what she had been through. The only "marks" are the two scars on her head, one of which you can't see unless you look for it. The other is more obvious b/c they shaved so much of her hair but I am sure that strangers think she got the scissors out and cut her own hair! I watch her play and sing and dance and feel that it is truly a miracle! The tumor is still there and will always be there but we feel so blessed that she is so normal right now and that there are no real side effects from the tumor or the surgery.

Usually what I leave unspoken is that her future remains unclear. All is great right now but we have no guarantee that it will stay that way. Chemo and radiation are more than likely in her future. The tumor is still very large and if it grows it could cause impairments. I know my God is bigger than all this and that if He says so it will never grow again-we are just not sure that is His plan for her.

Although God has blessed us abundantly, I still have days that I just don't understand all that has happened and when I have so many questions and not enough answers. I also worry about what the future holds for us. We truly do not know. I lay in bed and wonder if she will have to start chemo soon, if she will live a long life, and when and if the tumor does grow what side effects there will be. I trust that God will provide for us and will take care of her no matter what happens in the future-but the worry and fear is always there. When I feel overwhelmed by it (which happens often) I pray that God will help me through it and will replace that worry and fear with joy and thankfulness for this day, another day I have to hold her and talk to her and play with her. And you know what? God always comes through for me-the fear melts and the worry subsides. And I remember all He has done, that He is in control, and that He loves me and her. How lucky we are to have someone like that to go to in times of darkness!

Thank you all for your prayers and please continue to lift Abby's name up in prayer!

"Be still and know that I am God..." Psalm 46:10

Happy Birthday Abby!

2009-08-17T14:17:00.002-05:00

Abby celebrated her 4th birthday one week ago today. She had a party at the Mickey Mouse pool last Saturday and loved every minute of it. We have been talking about that party for months and the thought of it got us through some rough times-IV sticks, fasting, etc. For a while, when nurses or doctors would ask her when her birthday was, she would say "Mickey Mouse!" I couldn't hardly believe it when the day of the party actually got here-we had spent so much time talking about it. I think it was just how she pictured it!

On her actual birthday, we got her a tiny cake and a few presents and spent the evening with just our family-me, Jason, Abby, and Lyla. She thought she was having another birthday!

We also went camping last week with Jason's mom. Abby and Lyla both had a great time. Abby told me about 10 times that she loved camping!

Please continue to pray for us all. It will be October and MRI time before we know it.

Recent Trip to St. Jude

2009-08-04T18:36:00.004-05:00

I Iam sorry it has been so long since my last post. When we found out that the tumor had not grown we were so relieved and felt like things could really get back to normal around our house. We have been trying to get back on some kind of schedule and be normal again.

Our trip went very well. We took Lyla with us this time and it worked out really well. She was a good distraction for Abby and they both seemed to do better having each other. Abby was very brave during all of her procedures. She still doesn't like having to get an IV but she was the most calm she has ever been this time. After her MRI she told me that she loves having pictures taken of her head! She also said she loved our hotel (Grizzlies House). It was nice to hear her say that-I guess this all will become normal for us. When Dr. Armstrong called and told us the tumor hadn't grown, we were ecstatic! We went to eat at a fancy restaurant to celebrate! We also took the girls on the trolley which they loved!

The next day she had her EEG and did wonderful during that! Then we got to come home. Overall, a very good trip. Oh yeah, she got to sit on Santa's lap and make a superhero cape while we were there! They always have fun activities for them!

We appreciate everyone for the prayers and love they have shown to us. Please continue to pray for Abby that the tumor will never grow!

"And the Lord, He it is that doth go before thee; He will be with thee, He will not fail thee, neither forsake thee: fear not, neither be dismayed."
Deuteronomy 31:8

Some Good News

2009-07-21T18:53:00.002-05:00

Morgan, Jason, Abby and Lyla are at St. Jude now. The results of the latest MRI show the tumor has not spread since the last MRI. They will not have to begin any treatment at this time and will be able to go home for three months then they will return to St. Jude for her next MRI. They will be in Memphis until tomorrow afternoon and then will be headed home. This is very good news and such an answer to prayer. Thank you for your faithfulness to pray for Abby.

Busy!

2009-07-15T13:08:00.003-05:00

We had a wonderful VBS last week. Our whole family had a good time but we were exhausted by Saturday! I led the music and really enjoyed getting to work with all the kids. I even learned some new songs that I can't wait to share with the kids on Wednesday nights.

The pageant went great Saturday night! Abby looked so beautiful and did a pretty good job passing out crowns. Thank you to Pasha and Whitney and everyone else who helped make it a success. They raised a lot of money for us and we really appreciate it!

Yesterday, Abby and I had a special day. We got our hair cut, got pedicures, ate lunch, and went to see Ice Age. We had so much fun! We rarely get to spend time out together just the two of us. I think I had more fun than she did! I spent all day looking at her and listening to her just thinking-I have the most beautiful, smart, and amazing child! I am so lucky to be her momma!

We are going to Branson this weekend with my family for a mini-vacation. I am so excited! I love Silver Dollar City and Abby has only been at night at Christmas. There will probably be some rides that she shouldn't ride but I think she is going to love it!

We leave Monday to return to St. Jude. This time we are taking Lyla with us. We have appointments on Tuesday and Wednesday and another MRI. I figure we will be there til Thursday though b/c they always slip in extra appts. We are hopeful that the tumor has not grown so we won't have to start chemo but we have noticed some changes in her in the past few weeks so I won't be surprised if it has grown some. I am pretty sure she had a seizure earlier in the week and she seems to be having some vision issues. St. Jude upped her seizure meds (twice) to see if it was a problem with her meds-it is just really hard to know if it is due to meds, tumor, surgery, or her age. They didn't think we needed to have the MRI this week though so we are going to enjoy the rest of the week and our trip to Branson and worry about all this next week! Please pray for us though. As the MRI gets closer we get more anxious. And pray for Abby-she is very anxious about having to have another IV and getting blood drawn. She asks about it every day, multiple times a day. She doesn't mind the MRI-just the IV. So pray for our whole family!

"Cast thy burden upon the Lord and he shall sustain thee: he shall never suffer the righteous to be moved" Psalm 55:22

4th of July

2009-07-05T21:42:00.003-05:00

We had a great 4th of July weekend! We got to spend time with our families, eat, swim, and watch some great fireworks! Abby loved them but they scared Lyla. We have really enjoyed the nicer weather and have spent a lot of time outside.

This week is VBS at our church so we have a very busy week ahead of us. We decorated the church today and it looks great. I can't wait until it gets started tomorrow night!

Don't forget about the pageant Saturday night!

Abby's Army Benefit Pageant

2009-07-02T21:40:00.003-05:00

I just wanted to let everyone know that there will be a benefit beauty pageant for Abby at UACCB on Saturday, July 11th. It will be in Independence Hall and will start at 5:15. Entry forms must be received by July 6th (Monday). It is for ages birth to 18 years so if you or anyone you know would like to enter call Pasha Alexander at 870-307-8284.

Abby is very excited about the pageant. She will be presenting the crowns to the winners (if she doesn't chicken out). I told her she would be a princess for the night and would get to make other little girls princesses too!

Week In Review

2009-06-28T20:40:00.002-05:00

We spent the week trying to stay cool and have fun. I am trying to get our household back on a routine. Lyla is having separation anxiety so I have spent a lot of time reassuring her that I will not stay in the shower all day!

Abby is doing great. She talks non-stop and run around like crazy! She loves playing in the sprinkler outside-she would stay outside all day if we would let her!

I wanted to let you all know that I resigned from my job this week. I want all of my co-workers and speech families to know that I will miss you all but I plan to keep in touch. I really enjoyed my job and plan on going back to it some day. I just really feel that my place for now is at home with my family. We have no idea what tomorrow will bring for us and I want to enjoy every minute I can with my girls. One thing I have learned through this trial is to take life one day at a time. Enjoy the day, enjoy your life.

"Take therefore no thought for the morrow: for the morrow shall take thought for the things of itself. Sufficient unto the day is the evil thereof" Matthew 6:34

Our Week

2009-06-20T21:46:00.002-05:00

We have had a busy week! Everyone is trying to get back in the groove of being home! I spent the beginning of the week trying to unpack and clean!

Thursday my mom and I took Abby and Lyla to St. Jude. We met with the neurologist who said her EEG looked normal but we would still continue the anti-seizure meds for at least 2 years even if future EEGs look normal. Chemo can sometimes increase seizure activity so it is safer to keep her on it until we know how she will respond to chemo. We actually had a good time at St Jude. We took a lot of pictures and showed my mom around. I was glad to take Abby on such a short day so she could see that it won't always be long stays with lots of tests.

Abby is back to herself. The swelling is gone and she is thinning up some. She is chatty Kathy again too! We have had a great week. Next week we don't have to go anywhere! No doctors or hospitals. For the first time in 2 months we get a whole week off!! Yea!

"I will praise the Lord according to His righteousness: and will sing praise to the name of the Lord most high" Psalm 7:17

Update

2009-06-16T20:26:00.002-05:00

We are home and doing well. We came home Friday afternoon and are all very happy to have some "normal" family time.

The benefit Saturday night was fantastic! We were amazed at how many people came out to show their support. A huge thank you to all who organized it and worked!

Abby seems back to her normal self. She is playful, talkative, and always ready to go somewhere! Her incision is healing well and her swelling has gone down to almost normal. She is only having to take one medication now, for seizures.

We go back to St Judes on Thursday for a few appointments but nothing major. They couldn't fit everything in last week so we have a few more people to meet. I am glad we get to take her back down there and not stay the night or have anything big done. I want her to feel comfortable there and know that we won't always be there for a week and have IVs and tests. Sometimes we will just go for the day.

Our Diagnosis & Treatment Plan

2009-06-11T21:21:00.003-05:00

Abby's diagnosis is an idiosyncratic low grade glioma. This basically means that it is an unusual, slow growing tumor. The best treatment for this is radiation. However, radiation in young children is very risky and can have detrimental side effects. Chemo is often used to stop the tumor until they become old enough to have radiation (age 10 and over is the best).

For now, we will cautiously observe this tumor. We will have another MRI in 6 weeks to see if there is a change. Then we will have them every 3 months. If at any time they see ANY growth or change she will immediately begin chemo. If it grows extremely aggressively we will have to do radiation.

Our neuro-oncologist told us to expect to have multiple rounds of chemo. These tumors do not go away, but you can stop their growth. However, they always start growing again. So MRIs and chemo and radiation will become a way of life for her. Hopefully hers will grow so slowly that we will be able to go a few years in between treatment.

So for now we get to come home and have a normal life for 6 weeks. Then hopefully we will get 3 more months of normal, then 3 more, then 3 more, etc, etc, etc. The longer we can delay chemo the better the chance that she will make it to age 10 before having to have radiation.

We really weren't told the long term prognosis but they speak to us in pretty optomistic terms, so although this isn't what we would have chosen for our life it could be much, much worse. We feel fortunate to be part of the St Jude family now and we know God will give us the strength to endure this long road. I know it will eventually become normal for us and she will never know life any differently.

I ask that Abby stay in your prayers. Pray that it will grow slowly and she won't have to have chemo until much later and that she would respond well to it. Pray for our family, that we will adjust to this new life. Pray for all the children at St. Jude-there are too many kids here. Pray for advancements in research that will lead to an end of childhood cancer.

God has provided abundantly for us during this time and we know He will continue to do so. We are so grateful to our families, church, and community for all that has been done for us.

"For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end" Jeremiah 29:11

Remember the Benefit

2009-06-10T20:29:00.002-05:00

I wanted to remind everyone about the BBQ dinner and auction that will be held this Saturday at the Southside High School cafeteria. The dinner will be from 5-8, plates are $6. I think the auction starts at six and they have some amazing things to bid on. Cardinals great Pujols has signed some things and there are several unique NASCAR items that have been signed. If you know any Pujols or NASCAR fans be sure and tell them about it. For more details call Sarah at 870-613-3469. She can get you tickets or give you more info.

Doing Well

2009-06-10T12:06:00.002-05:00

Sorry I have not posted in so long. I took a break from the blog this weekend but meant to post again on Monday. We have been so busy since getting here that I haven't had time.

We arrived Monday night and are staying at the Grizzlies House. It is very nice-like a hotel. We have a suite that has a living area and a separate sleeping area. It has a playroom and playground and a dining room where they have special dinners for the guests sometimes.

Everyone has been great here. It is like a small community. All the other parents have been helpful getting us around and adjusted. We met with lots of people yesterday and it was a bit overwhelming. The hospital is very nice-happy and bright. Good cafeteria. Beautiful outdoor areas. We really love it here so far.

Today we are having an MRI. I am actually in the waiting room right now. It is supposed to start at 1:15. She already had her IV placed this morning and she was so brave! So the bad part of the day is over and we are on to the easy stuff.

All the waiting rooms have play rooms with games, crayons, video games, etc. This waiting room has a huge fish tank. Like I said-very nice! They take care of you here for sure. They think of everything. It really helps to have some of the burden to be carried by them.

Abby is a little upset about being back at a hospital but it helps that we get to go to a "hotel." Yesterday was really tough on her (actually all of us) but she seems better today. It is surreal to be here. St. Judes is for other families-not for us. I guess I am still in a little denial about all this. Another mom told me yesterday that this will become our new normal and this will be our second home. Hard to believe this could ever be "normal."

We think we will get to come home tomorrow night but we are not sure yet. Pray for Abby and for us! We love you all!

It's Not Gliomatosis Cerebri!!!!!!!! YEA!!!!!!!

2009-06-05T20:23:00.002-05:00

I talked to St. Jude late this afternoon and they confirmed that she does not have gliomatosis cerebri!!! It is not oligodendroglioma either. It is a grade 1 glioneuronal tumor. The brain tumor coordinator said that it usually responds well to treatment and that it is a much better diagnosis than gliomatosis cerebri. The usual treatment is low dose chemo but we will sit down with a neuro-oncologist next week and discuss all the options and decide on the exact treatment plan for Abby.

I never thought I would be so excited that my child has a low grade brain tumor!! God has truly worked a miracle in our lives! Praise God!!!

"Thou art the God that doest wonders: thou hast declared thy strength among the people" Psalm 77:14

Thursday, June 4th

2009-06-04T21:47:00.002-05:00

Abby is staying the night with Granny tonight. I am excited that she is back to normal-not wanting to be home! I miss her though. She woke up in a good mood this morning and was happy all day. Her head is still swollen and the steroids have caused her to gain quite a bit of weight. Tonight was her last dose of steroids! Yippy! Hopefully that will help her to look more like Abby again. Hopefully I will hear from St. Judes tomorrow. I will post it as soon as I hear! Pray tonight that it will be great news!

"Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen" Hebrews 11:1

Benefit Yard Sale

2009-06-04T17:22:00.003-05:00

I wanted to let everyone know that there will be a benefit yard sale at the Pediatric Day Clinic (across from the Mickey Mouse pool) on Saturday, June 6th, from 7am to 1pm. If you would like to donate items you can bring them tomorrow or on Saturday. Or you can just stop by and shop! The proceeds will go to Abby and also to Kenny Goodman, who was recently diagnosed with cancer. His sister, Sandra, is an employee of the Day Clinic.

Thank you PDC for doing this for us! I love you all!

Wednesday, June 3rd

2009-06-03T19:21:00.003-05:00

I should be at church right now! Both girls fell asleep right before church so I stayed home with them. Abby spent all day with her Aunt Wendy and was worn out! She slept really good last night and woke up in a great mood. She hasn't been wanting to go anywhere but not long after she woke up she said she wanted to go to Aunt Wendy's house. Wendy said she was great all day-very happy and talkative. I think she needed to be away from mama for a while! Lyla went to daycare for a while and I got to catch up on some errands. My "to do" list gets smaller every day! I am getting very anxious for St. Jude's to call with their final path results. Call already!!

A lot of our church is at church camp this week and so far 6 youth have been saved! YEA! It is so exciting that so many young lives are being changed! Hopefully I will get to take Abby next year. I think she will love it!

Pray that Abby will keep recovering so well! It is so nice to see her playful and happy again!

Tuesday, June 2nd

2009-06-02T21:35:00.002-05:00

All went well today! Dr. Boop thinks Abby looks great. Her incision is healing nicely-no sign of infection. He said the swelling will come and go for a while and the lack of sleep is common in patients. He is pleased with her progress. I feel a big relief! I figured everything was ok but it's nice to hear someone who knows tell you that everything is ok. While in Memphis we took Abby to see the movie Up! She had a good time and laughed a lot!

We have started weaning her off the steroids-thankfully! She is eating everything in sight and has trouble controlling her emotions. She rides an emotional roller coaster all day! I feel sorry for her b/c I know she doesn't understand what has happened to her and why she feels so bad. We do our best everyday to help her through it but sometimes we don't know what to do-how many hot dogs should you let a kid eat!?! She threw the biggest fit in a store today and I wanted to stand up and tell everyone that she is not normally like this-she had brain surgery! Every day we face new obstacles but God also places numerous blessings in the way too!

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding" Proverbs 3:5

Monday, June 1st

2009-06-01T21:18:00.002-05:00

Just wanted to let everyone know we will be going to Memphis tomorrow to see Dr. Boop. I called today with concerns about her swelling-its not worse but not better either. I am also concerned about her not sleeping well. I really think everything is ok but I don't want to take any chances. He wanted us to come to his office and see him-I figured he would. Our appt is at 7:45 am so we are leaving early in the morning. Pray that everything will be fine with her incision and swelling and that there is some easy solution to the sleep problem. Also pray that we will have a safe trip to Memphis tomorrow.

Sunday, May 31st

2009-05-31T22:38:00.002-05:00

I just want to start out by saying that Jason did a fantastic job today! I thought I would bust with pride! I am so lucky to be married to such a wonderful, Godly man! I was so glad that our whole family got to go to church together today. Everyone was a little cranky but we made it and it was worth it!

Abby is doing alright but she's not 100% One reason is that she is not sleeping well. She won't hardly take a nap during the day and at night she won't go to sleep. Last night she stayed up til 11 and tonight she went to sleep at 10! Way past her normal bedtime! During the day, she will be fine and then she'll start crying and want me to hold her. Every day is a roller coaster-for all of us!

Thank you all for the prayers and please keep it up! We should get the final pathology report in the next few days so pray that the preliminary results were right and that it is treatable!

Saturday, May 30th

2009-05-30T22:01:00.002-05:00

The girls and I had a very low-key day today. We just stayed home and rested. We got a new wagon (ours fell into pieces) and we spent a lot of time riding around the neighborhood! Abby was pretty clingy today which seems to make Lyla clingy too! It is hard sometimes to balance everything. I told Abby I needed to clone myself-she didn't like the idea of a bunch of mommies-she just wants one!

We are going to attempt to go to church tomorrow with Abby. I think she will do fine and I really want to go. No, I need to go! There is nothing better for your soul then singing those songs, hearing God's word preached, and being surrounded by your church family! It makes the whole week better! So I am praying that Abby will feel great and everything will go smoothly tomorrow.

Since tomorrow is 5th Sunday our church has potluck after morning services and then a devotional after potluck to take the place of evening services. Jason is doing the devotional tomorrow and I am so excited to hear him speak! Pray for him!

Please cotinue to pray for Abby and our family!

Friday, May 29th

2009-05-29T21:50:00.002-05:00

I can't believe that a week ago I was standing over her bed in ICU and now she is watching TV with her daddy eating a peanut butter sandwich like old times! God is amazing! We have had a very good day. She seems back to normal. She gets tired more easily than she used to but other than that she is doing great!

I want to say thank you to the staff & parents at Cedar Ridge Preschool for the benefit they held last night for Abby at Oil Trough. They raised a lot of money for her and had a great turnout. They have hot pink bracelets and t shirts for sale at the preschool. You can call 870-264-3752 if you would like to purchase one. They also have stickers for your car that say "I'm in Abby's Army." Abby misses her teachers and friends there but we are hopeful she will be back in the fall!

"And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose" Romans 8:28

More Info from St. Jude

2009-05-29T11:28:00.002-05:00

I just got off the phone with St. Jude and got to ask more questions about our conversation yesterday. She said that the results from Le Bonheur were preliminary but are generally accurate. The pathologist at St. Jude's is highly specialized and his results will be final. Having said that, she told me that Le Bonheurs's results indicated a low grade glioma and are leaning toward the diagnosis of oligodendroglioma-a very treatable type of tumor! It is still preliminary and subject to change but just knowing that it is possible for her life to be spared not just prolonged is amazing! We didn't even think it was an option for it to be treatable! God is so great! Thank you all for the prayers-keep sending them up. Pray that it will be treatable! Pray that Le Bonheur's results are right! Pray that God will strengthen us until we find out the final results! I am on pins and needles and can hardly wait to hear the final report!

We love you all! Thank you all for the prayers! God heard us all!

Thursday, May 28th

2009-05-28T21:32:00.002-05:00

Abby had a much better day today! She was alert and happy most of the day. She even played a little dress up! I was craving Chinese food and was just going to get take out but she decided she wanted to go in the restaurant and eat so we all loaded up and went out to eat. We even got ice cream afterward! It was wonderful to get her out of the house and do something normal. We all needed that.

St. Jude's called today and we go there on June 9th and 10th to meet our doctors and learn what our treatment plan will be. She also said that the lab results from Le Bonheur indicated that her tumor was a low grade glioma. We were very excited to hear that! We still don't know what that means for her prognosis but its better than if it were high grade. I am pretty sure it means she won't have to have radiation which is a relief. I am really having to learn some patience! I want to know everything and I want to know it now! She is supposed to call me again tomorrow with the details of our appointments and I plan on asking more questions about what low grade gliomas are.

Please continue praying for all of us!

Fundraiser/Benefit on June 13th

2009-05-27T21:58:00.002-05:00

There will be a fundraiser June 13th at Southside School for Abby. There will be BBQ plates, pie/cake sale, live auction, and silent auction. The food will be served from 5-8 p.m. and the live auction will start at 6 p.m. There will NASCAR and St. Louis Cardinals autographed items as well as items donated from local businesses to be auctioned. The BBQ plate is $6 and will include a sandwich, coleslaw, baked beans, dessert, and drink. To reserve your tickets call Sarah at 870-613-3469, Casey at 870-307-3784, or Valarie at 870-613-5643. Please tell all your friends-especially if they are NASCAR fans or Cardinals fans. They won't want to miss out on some of the items!

Wednesday, May 27th

2009-05-27T21:44:00.004-05:00

I am sorry I didn't get to post anything yesterday. It has been a little chaotic around here. Lyla was glad to be home but a little out of sorts yesterday. She was pretty cranky all day (actually we all were cranky). I think we are finally back in the swing of things though.

Abby is still tired a lot and just lays around most of the time. Sometimes I can get her to look at a book or do a puzzle. Most of the time she wants me to hold her (which is why I didn't post yesterday). She is normally so active that it is hard to get used to her being so lethargic. I know she had a major surgery but I wasn't prepared for how bad she would feel. She doesn't complain but she just doesn't talk much. She does perk up from time to time and seems like her usual self though. A few minutes ago she was watching "America's Funniest Home Videos" with her daddy and was giggling so hard and talking a mile a minute.

We are still amazed that she can walk and talk even though she had a piece of her brain removed! God designed our bodies in such an amazing way. We are so thankful that he sent Dr. Boop our way too. Everyone at Le Bonheur was wonderful. We really loved it there.

Please continue to pray for Abby and that she will start to feel better soon!

"I will praise thee, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvelous are thy works..." Psalm 139:14

At Home

2009-05-25T20:55:00.002-05:00

We are all home and loving it! It will probably take a few days for everyone to get adjusted to being home (and to wash all our clothes) but we are glad to be here. We think we will get to be home for about 2 weeks before we go to St. Jude's and start the next round (chemo and/or radiation). So we are going to enjoy being home together since we don't know what the future holds for us.

Please continue to pray for Abby. She is still in pain but is having to take pain meds less frequently. Dr. Boop said it would be 2-3 weeks before she would feel like herself. We have crossed a big hurdle but there are more in the future so please don't stop praying for Abby and our family! We love you all!

"I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me." Psalm 13:6

Going Home

2009-05-25T09:51:00.003-05:00

From Tanya

Abby is being released from the hospital this morning and they will be going home. Morgan said they are all very glad to be going home and are looking forward to a restful evening. She will post more later in the day once they get in and get settled.
Thank you for your continued prayers for Abby. Our family appreciates you all so very much.

MRI

2009-05-24T19:27:00.002-05:00

Abby had her MRI this afternoon. Everything went smoothly. The doctor probably won't be in to discuss it with us until tomorrow morning. She slept a lot today and has eaten well since the MRI. She is coloring right now. We are about to take a bath and get some pain meds and go to bed! We will let everyone know what the doctor tells us tomorrow.

I just want to say a big thank you to all those who organized the benefit Friday night. I heard that there was a big turnout and that it was a lot of fun. We also appreciate all those who provided the talent and the pies/cakes. Thank you all who attended as well! We are overwhelmed by our community's response to our situation. It lifts our spirits to know so many are praying for Abby and care about our little girl.

Sunday May 24th

2009-05-24T11:20:00.002-05:00

Abby had a good night last night. She slept well. We should have the MRI today so we are just hanging out drinking clear liquids! Abby is in good spirits today and doesn't seem to be in much pain. I gave her a bath and she has on clean jammies and feels good. Thank you all for the prayers, please keep sending them up!

Back in Her Room

2009-05-23T10:39:00.002-05:00

Abby rested well throughout the night. They rescheduled the MRI for tomorrow so she has been moved back to her old room. She is resting comfortably but you can tell she is in pain when she does wake up. They have her on pain med and she can eat and drink, but she has been too sleepy to eat or drink much. They had to cut her jaw muscle so she will be on soft foods for the next several days. Her face is swollen and will continue but it's not as bad as we thought. The incision looks good and she didn't lose a lot of hair.

We all got to rest last night too. We are just so happy that she is doing so well. God is good!

She's OK

2009-05-22T21:10:00.002-05:00

Abby came through surgery ok and is recovering in ICU. The doctor said they removed most, but not all, of the temporal lobe. He felt like he got a lot of the tumor but not all of it. She may have some peripheral vision loss but that should be the only side effect to expect. The preliminary results from the tissue sample was inconclusive so it will be 7-10 days before they know exactly what type of tumor it is and develop her treatment plan. Her face is starting to swell and will continue for several days. She has woke up and talked to us and she is moving her arms and legs. You can tell the incision site hurts but they are keeping her well medicated overnight. She will have another MRI in the morning then move back up to her regular room. We don't know exactly how long we will have to stay, probably 5 days.

We are so grateful to God for bringing our baby safely through surgery. Please pray that she will have a speedy recovery with minimal pain. Also pray that the tumor will be slow growing kind that will respond well to treatment.

Thank you all for the prayers today!

Surgery Has Started

2009-05-22T14:54:00.004-05:00

Dr. Boop began surgery just a few minutes ago. She was very upset all morning because she couldn't eat. She did well while we were in the holding area and went back with little fuss. Dr. Boop said it will take 4 hours or longer. She will recover in ICU. Please pray for her!

Bed Time

2009-05-21T21:45:00.003-05:00

We finally got the blood they needed! Yea! We also got to move to a bigger room. When we got in this room Abby said she really liked her new room. I do too. We have cots to sleep on tonight and are about to turn off the lights. Pray that all will go well tomorrow!

What the Doctor Said

2009-05-21T18:48:00.002-05:00

Dr. Boop did come by and he went over the surgery plan with us. He will not be able to remove all of the tumor. He will remove the temporal lobe (or the majority of it) where most of the tumor is located but he will not be able to take out the branches of the tumor that reach out into the other areas of the brain. He said removing the temporal lobe will have little to no side effects. Removing it will help with diagnosis, may stop the seizures, and will make room for the pressure that will occur from radiation/chemo. There are some risks involved but he said 90% of patients come through with no problems. Her incision will be over her ear under the hairline. It will be in the shape of a question mark. There will be some swelling around the incision and she may have some headaches for a while. He said she should be back to her normal self in about 2-3 weeks but she will need to play quietly for about a month. No trampolines! So we are disappointed that he can't get it all but we aren't surprised.

They tried for the IV again with no luck. They got some blood but came back later and told us they didn't get enough and what they got hemolyzed. So they have to stick her again. We are very unhappy about that. She has been stuck so many times and that is the thing she is the most afraid of. They should be here soon to try to get the blood. They scratched the IV until they put her under for surgery. We just have to be sure and give her lots of fluid tonight. I will try to post again before bed.

We're Here

2009-05-21T17:09:00.003-05:00

We are here and settled in to our home for the next 3-5 days. We have had a lot of nurses and residents in and out all day. Abby has been a trooper, as always. She has played and talked and ate. The only thing she is afraid of is the IV. The nurse tried to start an IV but didn't get it so we are waiting for the IV team to come start it. Everyone here has been so friendly and helpful. Abby, Granny, and daddy just went downstairs to watch "Hotel for Dogs" and eat pizza. We haven't really learned anything new. We missed Dr. Boop so we don't think we'll get to talk to him until the morning. That was pretty disappointing but we did get here a little later than we were supposed to. They checked the schedule for us and we will take her downstairs for pre-op around 11 am. Please pray for her, especially during that time! I told her today while she was scared about leaving for the hospital and getting an IV that God is like a daddy bird who keeps His baby birds under His wing. So He will protect her like a daddy bird protects his babies. She liked that. We had baby birds on our porch so I think she could relate easily.

"He shall cover thee with His feathers, and under His wings shalt thou trust: his truth shall be thy shield and buckler" Psalm 91:4

t-shirt orders

2009-05-21T09:36:00.002-05:00

If you want to place a t-shirt order please call Sarah at 870-569-4053. She will take orders today. If you call tomorrow (Friday) please call Tiffany at 870-307-3302. We appreciate all the support and a special thank you to Kirk and Dana Shaw!

Wednesday, May 20th

2009-05-20T22:19:00.002-05:00

This will be brief-we are trying to get everybody packed and ready to go. I wanted to let everyone know about the t-shirts that our friends Kirk & Dana Shaw at New Vision Graphics have made for us. They are available to anyone-just call, go online, or go by. The t-shirts say "Abby's Army" and have the verse "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." They are $10. We have ours and are wearing them Friday for surgery. A big thanks to them for the shirts! The proceeds go to Abby and her medical/travel expenses.

Brother Curt preached a great message tonight and I wanted to share the verse that stuck in my mind from his message. "...Be of good cheer: it is I; be not afraid." Mark 6:50 We will not let our fear destroy our faith. We know God is bigger than this and we know He is in control.

Tuesday, May 19th

2009-05-19T20:01:00.003-05:00

We had the most wonderful day-Abby caught her first fish! It was a beautiful day and the fish were biting. Lyla even caught a fish with a little Barbie pole! It is so hard to believe that such a seemingly normal child could have such a large mass in her brain. She is so smart and funny and active. But that keeps me feeling hopeful-if she has something that large and nasty in there and can still function so well then she has to have a good prognosis.

I want to let everyone know about the benefit for Abby on Friday, May 22nd. Southside School is having a talent show and pie and cake auction from 6:30 pm to 8:30 pm. at the middle school. They have an Event Page on Facebook. We will be in Memphis that night (probably in ICU) but our hearts will be with all those who have put this together for us.

I also want to say that I appreciate all the comments that have been left for us here. It lifts our spirits to know that so many people are praying for Abby. How can we feel down when God has sent so much good our way? I love all the verses that have been shared-I keep them in a journal and read them when I get discouraged.

"The Lord is good, a stronghold in the day of trouble; and He knoweth them that trust in Him" Nahum 1:7

surgery update

2009-05-18T13:47:00.002-05:00

I talked to Dr. Boop's nurse a little while ago. Surgery will be Friday at 11:30. It should last 3-4 hours. They are hoping that they can remove all of it-I hope so! They should know right away if it is high grade or low grade but the exact makeup of the tumor won't be determined for 7-14 days. That will determine the treatment. She didn't know how big the incision will be but they will salvage as much hair as possible. Please continue to pray for her!

Sunday, May 17th

2009-05-17T22:31:00.002-05:00

Today was a good day-church services were wonderful and we got some great pictures!

Saturday, May 16th

2009-05-16T21:20:00.002-05:00

Nothing new to report. We spent the day with family. Abby is on anti-seizure meds and steroids and they are making her very aggressive. We are trying to treat her the same and discipline her as we normally would but it's hard to be normal. Lyla is so glad to have us all home. Her and Abby have wrestled and played all day! We are really looking forward to church tomorrow and the girls are going to have their pictures made (if I can get them to cooperate).

To everyone who has given to us-you don't know how much it means. We are in awe of how much people have given-money, gifts, cards, food, prayers, etc. It lifts us up to know so many people care about Abby. Everyone keep praying!

Friday, May 15th

2009-05-15T22:20:00.002-05:00

We have pretty much decided to get treatment at St. Jude's. We liked the doctors at MD Anderson but St. Jude's has been great to us and is so close. They just feel like a littl ray of sunshine in this storm. We are still praying about it though and haven't completely made up our minds. I like that St. Jude's wants to treat this aggressively. I want to fight it as hard and as fast as we can. Please pray that we will make the right decision.

We talked with the neurosurgeon's nurse and scheduled surgery for next Friday. The surgery will be at Le Bonheur. She seemed so sincere and genuine. She told me that Dr. Boop (neurosurgeon) was confident that he could help us. His plan is to go in and remove as much of the tumor as he can without causing any damage. She will be in the hospital for about 5 days. We are scared. This surgery will be the beginning of a long road. We know it needs to be done but she feels so good right now that it's hard to make that leap to brain surgery. Please pray that surgery will go well.

After surgery, they will take samples from what he removed and determine exactly what the tumor is. It could be a high grade (malignant, aggressive) or low grade (slow growing). That will determine her treatment. She will definitely have chemo but how much and how strong will depend on what they find when they take the samples. Please pray that it will be a low grade tumor and will respond well to chemo.

Background

2009-05-15T21:59:00.003-05:00

I thought I would start off this blog with a little background about our family. I guess you could call it my testimony. A year ago, Jason and I had a 2 year old, a newborn, and a broken marriage. We could not get along. We fought constantly and had little joy in our relationship. This continued all summer and came to a head in July. We either had to make changes or get a divorce. I was given some great advice by a preacher-I could not change Jason, I could only change myself. So I did. I started going to church again after a long absence. The church was Maple Springs Missionary Baptist Church. They had a revival in September and the preacher spoke about how you can't serve God and the world. You have to choose. I chose that night to serve God. No more excuses, no more holding back. I was all in. I told Jason that I was starting over with a new life and I would really like for him to join me. He did. We became very faithful to church, to studying the Bible, and to prayer. It changed our whole lives. We stopped fighting so much, the girls were happier, I stopped being so negative. I felt so lucky that God would give our family another chance. Then on March 8th he moved in our lives again. Jason went forward and got saved! All this time I was living with a lost person and didn't even know it! I didn't think it could get any better but God proved me wrong! He took our broken marriage and turned it completely around. Now we are best friends again! We rediscovered the love that brought us together in the first place.

I now know that God did all this to prepare us for what was to come. We could not have made it this far without the support of our church and the support of each other. A year ago we would have been torn apart but instead we know we can make it, no matter what. We know it won't be easy but we have faith that God will pull us through. We can feel His arms around us and He has already provided for our every need. We feel so blessed to have our church, our families, and each other.